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The risk that might break you is the one that would save
Recent Entries 
24th-Apr-2005 02:17 am(no subject)
Kermit & Gonzo
FUCKING PIECE OF CRAP FUCKING LJ. MOTHER FUCKER GOD DAMNIT PISS ON YOUR MOTHER'S SHOES LJ JUST DELETED MY ENTRY!!!
24th-Apr-2005 01:00 am - HAHAHAHHAHA
Kermit & Gonzo

Alyssa Christine Blew's Aliases



Your movie star name: Doritos Bill

Your fashion designer name is Alyssa Bristol

Your socialite name is Bun Bun New York

Your fly girl / guy name is A Ble

Your detective name is Horse Coral Reef

Your barfly name is Graham Crackers Strawberry Daiquiri

Your soap opera name is Christine Franjo

Your rock star name is Milk Duds Speed Walkers

Your star wars name is Alypeb Blewon

Your punk rock band name is The Whacked Douche


31st-Aug-2004 11:55 pm - Frances...
Kermit & Gonzo
You all should be aware of hurricane preparations, but in case you
need a refresher course:

We're about to enter the peak of the hurricane season. Any minute now,
you're going to turn on the TV and see a weather person pointing to
some radar blob out in the Atlantic Ocean and making two basic
meteorological points.

(1) There is no need to panic.
(2) We could all be killed.

Yes, hurricane season is an exciting time to be in Florida. If you're
new to the area, you're probably wondering what you need to do to
prepare for the possibility that we'll get hit by "the big one."

Based on our insurance industry experiences, we recommend that you
follow this simple three-step hurricane preparedness plan:

STEP 1:

Buy enough food and bottled water to last your family for at least
three days.

STEP 2:

Put these supplies into your car.

STEP 3:

Drive to Nebraska and remain there until Halloween. Unfortunately,
statistics show that most people will not follow this sensible plan.
Most people will foolishly stay here in Florida.

We'll start with one of the most important hurricane preparedness
items:

HOMEOWNERS' INSURANCE:

If you own a home, you must have hurricane insurance. Fortunately,
this insurance is cheap and easy to get, as long as your home meets
two basic requirements:

(1) It is reasonably well-built, and

(2) It is located in Wisconsin

Unfortunately, if your home is located in Florida, or any other area
that might actually be hit by a hurricane, most insurance companies
would prefer not to sell you hurricane insurance, because then they
might be required to pay YOU money, and that is certainly not why they
got into the insurance business in the first place. So you'll have to
scrounge around for an insurance company, which will charge you an
annual premium roughly equal to the replacement value of your house.
At any moment, this company can drop you like used dental floss.

SHUTTERS:

Your house should have hurricane shutters on all the windows, all the
doors. There are several types of shutters, with advantages and
disadvantages:

1)Plywood shutters: The advantage is that, because you make them
yourself, they're cheap.

2)Sheet-metal shutters: The advantage is that these work well, once
you get them all up. The disadvantage is that once you get them all
up, your hands will be useless bleeding stumps, and it will be
December.

3)Roll-down shutters: The advantages are that they're very easy to
use, and will definitely protect your house. The disadvantage is that
you will have to sell your house to pay for them.

4)Hurricane-proof windows: These are the newest wrinkle in hurricane
protection: They look like ordinary windows, but they can withstand
hurricane winds! You can be sure of this, because the salesman says
so. He lives in Nebraska.

HURRICANE PROOFING your property:

As the hurricane approaches, check your yard for movable objects like
barbecue grills, planters, patio furniture, visiting relatives, etc...
You should, as a precaution, throw these items into your swimming pool
(if you don't have a swimming pool,
you should have one built immediately). Otherwise, the hurricane winds
will turn these objects into deadly missiles.

EVACUATION ROUTE:

If you live in a low-lying area, you should have an evacuation route
planned out. (To determine whether you live in a low-lying area, look
at your driver's license; if it says "Florida," you live in a
low-lying area). The purpose of having an evacuation route is to avoid
being trapped in your home when a major storm hits. Instead, you will
be trapped in a gigantic traffic jam several miles from your home,
along with two hundred thousand other evacuees. So, as a bonus, you
will not be lonely.

HURRICANE SUPPLIES:

If you don't evacuate, you will need a mess of supplies. Do not buy
them now! Florida tradition requires that you wait until the last
possible minute, then go to the supermarket and get into vicious
fights with strangers over who gets the last can of SPAM. In addition
to food and water, you will need the following supplies:

1) 23 flashlights.
2)At least $167 worth of batteries that turn out, when the power goes
off, to be the wrong size for the flashlights.

3)Bleach. (No, I don't know what the bleach is for. NOBODY knows what
the bleach is for, but it's traditional, so GET some!)

4)A big knife that you can strap to your leg. (This will be useless in
a hurricane, but it looks cool.)

5)A large quantity of raw chicken, to placate the alligators. (Ask
anybody who went through Andrew; after the hurricane, there WILL be
irate alligators.)

6)$35,000 in cash or diamonds so that, after the hurricane passes, you
can buy a generator from a man with no discernible teeth.

Of course these are just basic precautions. As the hurricane draws
near, it is vitally important that you keep abreast of the situation
by turning on your television and watching TV reporters in rain
slickers stand right next to the ocean and tell you over and over how
vitally important it is for everybody to stay away from the ocean.




Yeah that was funny and all that but I seriously feel like I might have a panic attack. A category 4 and probably a 5 by landfall. And they don't know where it's hitting so we don't know what to do. We put up hurricance shutters and I wanted to cry. I got so nervous I had to go make myself soup. What about all of our horses!??! They are gonna DIE! My poor babies. I want stupid Frances to turn around and go back to Africa and then disappear.
25th-Apr-2004 10:59 pm(no subject)
Kermit & Gonzo
Correction- WE LOST TO THE BRAVES!
25th-Apr-2004 10:56 pm(no subject)
Kermit & Gonzo
WE ARE LOSING TO THE BRAVES! 7-2 wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! and jenny is home. just fucking great! thank god for this Hayley Westenra girl's music and Marly or I'd shoot Jenny in Marlins angst.
25th-Apr-2004 01:54 am(no subject)
Kermit & Gonzo
A final parting note from Foamy thanks kate!

"Shut your mouth, choke on your food, and DIE"


http://www.illwillpress.com/rant.html
Kermit & Gonzo
**weekend highlights**
G: "blah blah blah blah....AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MY.....FLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
K: AHHH HAHAHAH AHHHHHHHH HAHAHAHAHA AHHHHHHHH
Me: OMG OMG IM SOO SORRY ILL BUY YOU ANOTHER OMG OMG
G: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

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G: "are they wearing marlins shirts? If they are this may be our exit...."
my car when I notice cars in front of me have stopped 10 feet ahead of me on turnpike as Im going 70 mph: SCCCCCCCCCRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
K: MY TOE, YOU BROKE MY TOE!
-------------------------------------------

Kid we met: "Were do you guys live?"
G: "Down south"
Kid: Have you ever been robbed?
Me: Are you planning on robbing us?"
G: We dont live in the GHETTO!
------------------------------------------

G: Whats her last name?
Me: She's like Cher, she doesnt come with one.
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Kristen's 'sexy' face :) :)
-------------------------------------

RED TOUNGES....GIVE ME AN APPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!
---------------------------------------------
Staying in the stadium until we got kicked out! WOOT our goal :) :)
---------------------------------------------
VIDEO KILLED THE RADIO STAR....80's kereoke night in G's car...
--------------------------------------------
"JASOOOOOON!!! JASON I LOVE YOU!!!! JASOOOOOOOOOOOOON!?!?!?!?" Kristen yells at kid in wendys!
------------------------------------------------
G: May I have an large order of mac and cheese?"
lady at KFC: Sorry we are out
G: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOURE OUT!? THATS ALL I CAN EAT
Lady: Hold on let me check.Oh wait, we do have some. Two smalls.
--------------------------------------------
Me: I dont want to do anything illegal
--------------------------------------------
K: Its not breaking in if we have permission
G: Even with doo rags on our heads?
-----------------------------------------
KRISTEN IS A PENIS HEAD
--------------------------------------
DEEEEEEEWAAYNE
--------------
ANDRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUW
--------------------
Our gansta' BAT BOY!
--------------------------
Georgia, we cant see you, tell steven to stand up
--------------------------------
G: Look out for them
Me: we dont know what they look like
K: there he is!
Me: how do you know?
K: Hes TALL!
------------------------------
Is this a praking space? It is now
----------------------------------
WE WANT KRISPY KREME
--------------------------
I didnt get my ball
----------------------
dancing like mad in G's car
-----------------------------
"I SPILLED MACAROONI ALL OVER ME, TWO DAY OLD MACAROONI THATS BEEN SITTING IN MY CAR!"- G
---------------------------------------------------------
DOOOOO RAGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Applerine!

-----------------

Does anyone know where the hell we're going. Bucket says the name. Ahh thank god for you.

-----------------

"DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME ON ME, YOU'RE ALREADY THE VOICE INSIDE MY HEAD!"

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"SLAPPY....SLAPPY....SLAPPY....WHERE'S YOUR CHANT NOW? OOoooOOooooOOO (taunting the one braves fan in our section with his own song. HA!)

-----------------

What about those people who thought Kristen was drunk while she was jamming in the longest line to get out of pro player everrrrr?

-----------------

I love being a fucking retard! See kids... this proves you don't need drugs, you can be fucked up all by yourself. MaAaAaAd Schnoogles! <3 Alyssa
Kermit &amp; Gonzo
AHHHHH WE WON!!!!! fuckin rocks!!! TWO DOUBLE PLAYS! GO HOME BRAVES! I hope we beat the pants off you tomorrow. lol I have Marlins mania now. Just great Georgia! lol I <3 becketts attitude and whoever pitched last today was awesome. We should figure that out. It wasn't as retarded (funny retarded) today cuz Georgia wasn't with us to spread the Marlins euphoria but we screamed like hell for Lowell for you to be happy G! and some poor man got hit in the face with a foul ball. He had to be walked out or something? He was really close to us but I couldn't see him. Ahh so the penis pants were back in full glory but only one butt pat I saw! Dissapointment! but BATBOY was there. The atlanta braves bat boy is so thugged out and pudgy. lol when he runs to get the bat he is just cute. lol So Shep and his friend were really nice and we all suck cuz we coudln't find a damn krispykreme to get our free doughnuts! aww and we were late and MISSED Conine's homerun!!!! pooon us late girls but there was NO where to park and we ended up so far away that the stadium looked like a far off mountain. lol and the giant tv screens make me smile! :P lol got ghetto KFC and ate that and kinda just chilled and talked. oh and we went to the gas station to buy gatorade for dallas and G and K bought these ghetto doo rags and were wearing them! AT A GAS STATION! I could barely breathe for laughing at them and the gas station attendant guy who was trying to politely ignore them. When we go to Southwinds we had to hop southwinds fence to check on Dallas and his diarrhea issues which I could do just fine having done it before, Georgia did quite well (in a skirt no less), and lets just say Kristen needs to work on her technique for hopping fences. lol So he was still sick and then G dropped me and K off. I need to get a damn license. But it was a great day GO FISH!!! Damnit G I <3 beckett now. *grumble, grumble*
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